Who am I kidding? After my past three weeks experience, I don't believe I'm getting any better. I don' think my life has any meaning so far. Most would notice.
Day 12
I woke up with half my face covered in sand. They were packing up now. Ready to go. We walked. What I stepped on has become less and less sandy and more rocky with pebbles and stones. The heat is receding. It's much more cooler now. Thank God.
Day 13
The day I felt so tired. Even lifting my legs felt like an effort. I can't remember the last time I was fully rested. They say we're at war. But I asked myself, "Where's the enemy?" This is a trial before the battle. A journey. A run. But where are we running to? Or is it proper to use the word "from"? Where the hell are we heading? What are we fighting? All communication seems lost. We're on our own.
Day 14: Maths 1 & 2
The wind picks up. There was a layer of mist. We can't see where we're going. We just went forward and just head what's in our way with a tenuous layer of desperation.
Day 15 : Add Maths 1 & 2
The wind from the day before evolved into a storm. It was raining and the wind was blowing us apart. It was cold and the wind chilled us to the bones. In the storm, we walked. In the storm, I thought I saw shadows. Not people of ours. Just shadows in the rain. Stalking us. Then disappeared. I wonder if the enemies are watching us. Then I saw her. At least I thought I did. And she looked away.
Day 16: Chemistry 1 & 2
This is where I said I had enough. This weariness, no one should ever feel. We've finally came about 10km radius of the centre behind the enemy line. My hands and legs are killing me. We are just a long line of walking displays of bruises. I'm not sure if I'll be fit enough for the battle, ultimately. My friends are doing pretty well to my surprise. What was once a queue of saints are now a parade of cursing sailors.
Day 17: Chemistry 3 & Biology 3
As we get nearer to the centre of it all, the rain and the rapid wind grew stronger. But still we kept on walking. But everyone stopped in their paths because in front of us was the eye of the storm. The place where everything is calm and peaceful; in the middle of the tornado. Step in and we're dry. Step in and we're safe. Step in and we might face the enemy. There's no turning back, so some of us just walked in. The rest waited. I waited. Then, they came out. Not all. Only some of them. Those that came out was either crying or laughing. Whatever's in there, it's madness.
Day 18: Biology 1 & 2
After a long wait, and no one else came out, the second batch walked in. Time stood still in there. I was alone. My friends were gone, probably heading for their own unique trials. What I saw in front of me was horror. A 4-year worth of failure. Something so hideous, so painful to look at. Something that I have buried deep in the past and should've never been exhumed. In front of me was a single piece of mirror. Nothing else. And for the first time in more than four years, I realized the only thing that stood in my way was myself. I felt a rapid hope loss. I saw my parents, our old house, my old friends, and all the places and faces I've come to fear the most from my childhood. Whoever crafted that mirror must've been a devil. I looked around, there was no one. I just somehow can't break this mirror or even make my way around it. So I turn and walked away as my reflection, the one trapped in that mirror, looked down on me. I could almost hear "Eris quod sum" being uttered.
But now I'm back. Back to the place I started at. I've been locking myself in this damn room in this damn empty house, writing the final pages of this journal, like I've never wanted out.
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